Bill Watterson the creator of Calvin & Hobbes describes Moe, a school bully character from his comic strip as "The big, dumb and ugly school bully". While this aptly describes a comic-strip bully, it doesnt completely profile a real-life school bully your child may bump into. Flesh and blood school bullies come in all sizes, belong to either gender, can be popular kids at school and may never look the part of a sneering, frothing at the mouth bully.
When unrestrained by some factor of control eg disciplinary actions, a bully with his bullying may drive the victim to give up his life. And, this is Bullycide. Neil Marr and Tim Field first coined the word in their book, `Bullycide: Death at Playtime". A very serious problem affecting schools and workplaces worldwide, victims of bullycide are not only children and teens, but even adults.
Must confess, the word 'bullycide’ to me implies suicide committed by the bully, but Marr and Field coined it not for appropriateness but effectiveness (perhaps).
Bullying has many shades to it. People get bullied if they look different, speak different, walk different, come from a different country and at times...for no reason. One type, namely, weight related bullying is one of the major causes of bullycide and I want to address the issue as applicable to children.
Weight Related Bullying In Children
Bullying where the victims are picked on because they are overweight or obese or thin, is weight related bullying.
What It Involves
Any type of bullying always involves the following elements:
- intentional, and largely unprovoked efforts to harm the victim
- physical or verbal assaults directed towards the victim, including those which are direct or indirect in nature
- repeated negative actions by one or more persons, against the victim
Its Effects
Children are very impressionable and being teased about their weight constantly, that too in places where they need to feel secure (like home or school), creates a negative body image and lowers self esteem. Victims often feel sad, depressed, lonely, alienated, ostracized, angry, powerless, anxious and fearful, and this leads to long term psychological, emotional and social problems.
Can You Spot The Bully?
Unfortunately you may not be able to. A bully in your childs life can be just about anyone, a classmate, schoolmates, a teacher, the bus driver. Closer home, the neighbourhood children, the nanny, a relative or even a sibling.
You May Never Know, Until Its Too Late...
...because your child will never tell you. Why? Fear of retribution by the bully, shunning by classmates or social isolation, shame, etc will all force a child to keep mum. So its your job to watch out for signs.
Symptoms Of Being Bullied Include
Reluctance to go to school or to a particular persons place, crying bouts, unexplained fear, questions on his or her weight being appropriate in your eyes or the society`s or questions on being thin or overweight.
Take Action And FAST
Ask your child if someone is teasing him about his weight either at home or at school.
If its at home, then you will need to speak to the perpetrator on the home front and get it to end. Immediately.
If its at school, then address the school authorities and the parents of the bully, to put an immediate stop.
Note--You may need follow ups and monitoring of the situation to ensure that it did stop. Bullies may lie low for a while, only to restart more aggressively when the situation cools.
What Bullying Is Not
Bullying is not acceptable. Its not the norm. Its not the done thing. Your child doesnt have to undergo it because you did or because you feel it will make him `tougher'. Ideas like bullying happens to `weak' individuals, its an acceptable social rite, victims need to stop whining and grow up etc, are sheer rubbish.
The Bully Is Weaker
The bully is the weakling as its (s)he who constantly feels the need to assert his/her power. Unfortunately, inaction or delayed action on your part or the schools, strengthens the act of bullying and lets a bully, a sociopath, get away.
Dont think of bullying as part and parcel of childhood, it should not be and its not. And, bullying doesnt have to always end in bullycide, to be taken seriously. The fact that it kills a childhood is enough.
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Weight related bullying, Bullycide, Bullying in schools, Is my child being bullied? My child is being bullied because he is obese.
